Day 1 Forum: Love is Patient

Can this be done when...

grahamc — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 13:14:27 GMT

Can the Love Dare be done when your spouse is currently unwilling to even work on rebuilding the marriage? I want to start and actually did Day 1 but looking ahead the dares seem impossible right now because any time I bring up anything related to "fixing things" right now it seems to push her farther away.

I want this worse than anything in the world right now. We have a 6 year old daughter and it is killing me to see her confusion of spending one night here and the next there.

My wife says she "isn't in love with me anymore", but through reading the Bible and parts of the Love Dare I know that Love can be found through God and this relationship can be stronger than ever if we just both put in 100% effort.

My struggle now is just getting her to that point.

Any advice is greatly appreciated...your prayers are even more appreciated.

Thanks,

Chris

Day 1- Love is Patient

mrshaines — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 15:53:46 GMT

I failed when I walked through the door- I nearly kicked myself that I screwed up! The garbage was sitting outside our front door, and I went inside and yelped, "Helllooooo? Why on earth did you do that??!" pointing to the nasty bag. My husband's response just about killed me, "Oh, I am sorry sweetie, I got wrapped up in cooking dinner and doing your laundry." Dead silence followed, he wasn't being sarcastic. The apartment was filled with the smell of spicy sausage and I could see my clothes neatly laid out on the chair ready for me to hang. I felt so guilty!!! So I apologized fast and said I'd help him and take out the trash. I was kind of flabbergasted to see him being Mr. Homemaker! Because if him, I did a great job through dinner (he made it sooo easy!) and I didn't complain that we were running late for our meeting tonight,

I was really put to the test when we were driving through AWFUL rain (How bad was it? School was cancelled the next day) I was terrified, and he kept creeping up on the back of cars on the freeway. So what did I say? "Wow, I am so glad you drove! You are doing a much better job than I ever could've done! Thanks for keeping a good distance from the car in front of you." He smiled, and just seemed proud- and then backed away from the cars! He drove back home too, a welcomed break from stress. Home run!

The only other time I failed was in the drive back we had a good friend with us, and the topic was Jackie Chan films, which I do love. I remarked how awesome Jackie did in the newest Karate Kid. I have to mention that I saw the original films last year and couldn't understand why they were a success. I was also a film major, which doesn't help my case, LOL. So when our friend mentioned nothing could beat them and they shouldn't have remade it, I kinda went haywire. I tried to be positive in my arguments about why Jaden Smith was superior to Ralph Macchio, and why Jackie actually made me cry, but I stopped short of my rant and said, "I can understand the nostalgia you feel towards the old films. I like some weird movies too."

The night ended well and I think 2 strikes ain't bad. I didn't know my friends started the dare a couple days before me, so I have to combine a sweet gesture and buying a gift (and we're tight on $ right now). But I'm not going to say the gesture is the gift, I'm going to keep it separate. Till tomorrow!

My eyes have been opened

Ron — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 17:54:46 GMT

My wife had us watch the Movie Firepoof the end of this June, I had no idea she was reaching out to me. I remember watching the movie... thinking what a jerk the husband was in the movie, demanding his wife to do things for him.. not offering to help her around the house and so forth. Instead of catching on to the things I wasn't doing, all I did was focus on how good this made me feel to know I was 'Mr. Caretaker' around the house and for my wife. We watched the whole movie both commented on how good it was, and I, in my stupidity thought how glad I was we didn't need fireproofing.

During July my wife started acting differently, I noticed the 'I love you's were given with turned eyes and less feeling. My heart breaks to even type this, but a male 'friend' she talks to online was filling in something I wasn't....... She has felt over the years I put everything else before her, at first I couldn't understand.. I've been praying since she told me this, almost constantly and I do now see and understand how I made her feel. ... To be able to go back in time and backhand my former self would be the greatest gift.

My poor sweet wife struggles with type II diabetes and fibromaylgia, so she has a lot pain and frustrations with those issues. I see now I let myself become more her home health care person and put her as a wife on the back burner. My over zealous desire to help her around the house made her feel of less worth instead of showing what I meant to show, which was love and care. In a way, All these years I was inadvertently doing 'Day two act of kindness' but nothing else.Sadly she didn't know I wanted all the same things as her all these years too, but wrongly I didn't act and instead only focused on helping with housework, and so forth.

Right now she is napping in the bedroom, I'm watching fireproof again, but with new opened eyes this time. I just ordered the fireproof DVD set, how I pray she will watch them with me... give me a chance to show her I really really do understand and would die before I ever made her feel that way again. She is my world, my life, my heart. But just saying that is no value, I must show her that my failings we're from my ignorance, not from a lack of those feelings.

Thanks for reading my words, Godbless you all on your journeys

Ron

My dare starts today!

Rick — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 18:39:49 GMT

My wife and I have almost had enough of each other and it will only be a matter of time before she files for papers. I just bought the "Love Dare" today and have taken the first Dare. I pray to God that he lifts our marriage and embraces it in his warm, loving and protective arms. Please pray for us.

my intro post

Elizabeth G — Thu, 20 May 2010 07:54:15 GMT

Hello.

Just ordered the book. I want to think that God does anything and everything...

But, we've been separated for almost two years now...

And he's said and done really hurtful things.

Why am I still evening thinking of a reconciliation???

Day 1 - Completely Broken

dpackard — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 07:38:26 GMT

4 days ago, my husband said he wasn't in love with me anymore. I will try to explain the best I can, but to be honest, I don't think that I even know whats going on.

About 2 years ago, my husband and I decided that we were ready to have children. We started trying, but nothing worked. I went to my regular Dr and tried a medication which also didn't work. She told me that if I was ready she would refer me to a specialist, but I was in nursing school and couldn't committ to it at that point. Anyway, I graduated this spring and called the specialist shortly afterwoods. I never really checked with my husband, just assumed that he was still on board. Now looking back, I know that we weren't ready.

4 days ago, my husband (who has been distant for a week or longer) told me that he could not have kids with me and still loved me but was not in love with me. He felt that if we didn't end our relationship now, that we would just be putting it off because it will happen eventually and he didn't want to bring a child into that. He said he had felt this way for 4 months. In the last four months he has gone through some hard times and is working at a job that he hates, which i more or less told him he needed to stay at because at least he had a job (he was laid off this winter). 4 months ago I had just graduated nursing school and passed my state boards and was more or less on cloud 9 because I was finally done. So i haven't been there for him that much, but i dont' feel that warrents him not wanting to be with my anymore.

I started the love dare today, and its not easy. After he told me all of this, he started talking about what we were going to do about the house and things that we owned together. I told him that i couldn't talk to him about the demise of our relationship after only knowing about it for 5 mintues. I told him i needed to leave and have been staying at my parents house. I am wondering if that was a mistake. First of all, I love my parents, but can't stand staying at their house, not only do i feel like a big inconvience, but also I feel it isn't helping me at all. I am not sleeping or eating and am completely exhausted. I talked to my husband yesterday and told him that i might stop by while he is sleeping (we both work nights) and take a nap on the couch. Seeing if sleeping in my own house would help me get the rest i need.Which he is fine with. I am wondering if i am out of line to ask to stay at my house, but sleep in a different bedroom?

I have told him many times since our discussion that i do not want this at all. I want to fight for our relationship. But, when we talk, I can't help but cry and i'm sure thats not helping him. I was born and raised a Christian, and have not been very faithful to God in the last couple of years. But this situation has brought me back. My husband prayed the prayer of salvation with me once, and has gone to church with my occassionally (not without me begging) but has confirmed that he believes. I believe he is saved, but does not have a great Biblical knowledge or a desire to have one. Should i tell him about the love dare? So far, he has not been open to our relationship continuing. I know i need to stay strong and for me divorce is not an option, but how can i do that when i feel like i am constantly being taken down by the devil.

My Husband Moved out and wants a divorce...

Aisha Cunningham — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 12:47:11 GMT

Can this work if my husband is living in a separate home than I am and he still wants the divorce?

Will this work if my husband moved out and wants a divorce?

Aisha Cunningham — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 01:38:52 GMT

I am currently on Day 7 of the Love Dare.

My husband is 25 with no children, and I am 29 with 3 small children. We got married on March 18, 2009 and started having problems 2 weeks after we got married. We argued a lot mostly ending in him saying, "You are not my mother".

My husband and I have separated 2 times in the last month now. The first time I asked him to leave, but the very next day I asked him to come home. He ended up staying away for a week and during that week he cheated on me. When he came home things were so different and empty between us. He stayed for almost two weeks then left on his own because he said he was starting to feel like he did before he left the first time.

He is now living with a friend of his family, and even though I see him almost every day because we have to share our vehicle until he buys his in late September, he wants a divorce. He has been helping my financially so I can move into a new place, and he even started back calling me babe on Day 4 when I made a keep-sake memory package for him as the task.

I have begged him, cried and pleaded and he has told me over and over again that he loves me, but he does not want to be married anymore. That he wants PEACE. That he just want to go separate ways and divorce. He says he will always help me if I need his help, but he wants the divorce. He says he is tired of going back n fourth and does not have anymore fight in him.

He does not show any interest in wanting to spend any time with me other than his ride home after he brings me the truck and keys when he is done using it. He has stood me up twice when I tried to set dates, and he shows no emotions. My heart is so heavy, and hurt. This is BOTH of our first marriages, and even though I have been praying and reading my word believing he will come back home, AND I tell him updates of what I am learning AND I told him I am doing the Love Dare, AND I told him I am praying he will come home, he still shows no signs of wanting to stay married. I feel like giving up. I feel stupid. I want to give up, but I don't want to stop the dare until he takes me to court for the divorce because I still have hope, even though ALL the signs say there is no hope. I WANT to believe there is.

I am not sure how this is going to work, but Lord Jesus I Love my Husband and want him to come back home and not give up on OUR Marriage...

Not sure how this will work...

uabjeff — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 12:03:17 GMT

My wife and I have been married for 13 years. I love her very much, and she says that she loves me, but she is not sure that she can be happy in our marriage. She has had an affair recently, that she has broken off after much waffling back and forth. She says that there are no real issues and nothing that I need to change, but without change, I believe that we will simply repeat the cycle. I have convinced her to try this with me. Will it be less effective if we do this together? I am committed wholeheartedly to making our marriage into what it should have been all along, and she says that she is too. Any help would be appreciated.

(I have read a little on here, and I was wondering if maybe one of us started the book, and then the other started it a couple of days later and promised not to look ahead, if that might work so that the expectation factor is not a problem,,,?)

Will this work??

Darren DeLaune — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 18:26:03 GMT

I have been with my wife for the last 6 years. 8 years altogether. I started the Love Dare today and I plan on finishing this. My question is, when we get to the 40 days and she still does not want to be with me, what can I do? I plan on going with this dare with all my faith in the Lord but I'm afraid that I will end up alone and without her or my kids. Can anybody please help me with this question? Like I said earlier, I plan on going through with this and I'm hoping and praying that this will work but I'm also fearing for the worst and that is her still leaving me.

Why should I?

Brittany Jane Kennedy — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 02:47:55 GMT

My name is Brittany I am a wife of three years and a mother of a two year old son. My husband is in the Navy and here one week gone the next. I don't know really when our marriage started falling apart but it has. I am the one that would be ok getting out of the marriage, but not because I don't want to try but because my husband has said somethings that wont leave me. One night when he was at work and I was at home we got into a very bad fight. My husband told me that the only reason he was staying in the marriage was because of our sonand that NOT one bit of him still loved me. I didn't want out until he said that. My husband and I made up after that but it wont leave me.

A friend of mine asked me out to watch a movie at her house and it was Fireproof. She told me when it was over she wanted me to take the dare. The first day went fine but it was one of our better days. Now he is gone out to sea again and I have to wait a week to do day 2. I just don't know if this dare is really going to help us or not. I feel as thought the wrong person in our marriage is taking this dare.

Is It Worth Another Try?

Jennifer — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 22:01:36 GMT

Admittedly, I am the one with the problem.

My husband and I have been together 13 years. I had 2 affairs after 8 years of us being together and we worked through those, or so we had thought.

In the past year I became emotionally involved with someone. Since that time, all contact with that individual has been completely terminated. Yes, we are Christians (all of us, including the outside person) so I knew and 'he' knew that what was happening was wrong. The friendship just evolved into something it shouldn't have.

I've asked myself time and time again what made me so vunerable to that. I can see where my husband and I both made mistakes. And where I have been emotionally neglected for years.

I love my husband, he is a good man.

Here is my problem. I don't know if I even want to continue anymore. He is willing to work on things, and he is asking for a commitment from me (and rightfully so) and I don't know if I can even give that to him.

I thought about beginning The Love Dare. In other's opinion, is it worth it? How do I get the other person out of my heart and thoughts? I try desperately not to dwell on things about the other individual, and I pray daily, almost hourly, for God to help me with this. I don't want to be in this position anymore, torn...broken. Although I know it is out of our brokenness that God can really heal us.

My husband is who he is. He's a good man, but when it comes to meeting emotional needs, he really lacks. After years of raising children alone, doing things alone, I am tired. I don't want to do a thing. I don't want to be the one making all the effort any longer.

I am not looking for permission to leave my husband, I can do that all on my own, but what I am looking for is which way to go? Where would God have me be? On the surface the answer would be to stay, but there is so much more to it than that. While no, the other person has not offered me a thing, he has said the same thing that I have said, God would not approve of our relationship because it breaks the boundaries of my marriage.

*sigh

I am tired, and I am worn out. But my thought was why not try? Why not try the book? What could it hurt?

Watching the FireProof Movie First

Jim — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 07:30:10 GMT

Is it recommended to watch the movie first before starting the dare?

Should my wife and I watch the movie together?

Just not sure what involvement I should try and get from her.

Thanks,

Jim

Day 1 - Round 3: 8/9/10

Seeker108 — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 05:04:28 GMT

Here we go again. May not be the best attitude but I am not terribly hopeful as I think about what is left of my marriage in the moment. I'm doing this in hopes of strengthening my relationship with God because that has taken a beating over the course of the last several months as well. As I have conceded my relationship with my wife to God, I figure if it is his will this is to work out then he'll find the way and I trust he'll show it to me when the time is right.

One thing which struck me again is that I'm angry. As the book said, anger is desire mixed with disappointment and grief. I have a desire for my marriage to work. Or I had the desire for it to work. I don't know anymore. I am disappointed in myself for letting things get to this point. For not learning what I needed to do sooner. I'm disappointed that after 12 years of doing the best I could, the woman I love only holds me in contempt, has no respect for me and frankly seems to hate me on most days. I'm disappointed she has turned to another man and that despite what they have done and how it has hurt me I am called to forgive them. How can I forgive them when I hate them for what they have done? And the thing is I can forgive her because I love her and it doesn't matter. She is neither looking for it or cares if I give it to her. Scott. I hate him. All of this leads to great sadness, grief and a general confusion about where to go next. Some days it feels that so much has happened, even if it were God's desire that this marriage survive, I don't see how it could. I don't see how it could ever recover from what we've done to it and each other. I don't know what a point of no return looks like, but it sure feels like it some days.

Today shouldn't be too hard as I'm only talking to her about the kids. Last night when I picked them up she asked me to look at her VCR and if she could borrow my broadband Internet access card. I wanted to say "No. Ask Scott." But I didn't. Instead I didn't say anything. I handed the broadband card to her and fixed her VCR without a word. She asked me if I was getting sick when I coughed a couple times, to which I replied "yes," and nothing more.

For my part I feel I need to set a boundary. I cannot continue to stand there and beg her to reconsider when she is continuing her affair, refuses to stop and blames me for it. He is coming out here over labor day and she has taken two days off to be with him. He will probably be staying with her. How am I suppose to continually try to forgive her and be kind when she is having sex with another man 100 yards from her husband?

My answer is I can't. God may have another answer and I will listen to the extent I am able. But for my part I need distance from her if her actions are going to continue to be so hateful and vicious towards me when all I have attempted to do is be kind, considerate and beg her to not blow up our family. She says as soon as she comes back to me I'll go back to being my old self, and is constantly on the look out for slips in my behavior to prove that my changes over the last several months aren't for real. She says that all these changes would have made a difference if I had made them before she said it was over. She says if it weren't for the kids she wouldn't even be talking to me. And I say "why?"

Why the hell am I constantly being led back to try to make this work over and over and over when it is so painfully obvious its over on her end? Why? I'm sure there is a lesson but right now I could do without it. I have been broken, shattered, crushed and destroyed so many times over the course of the last few months. Every time I think there is a bottom I'm wrong because it falls out and I fall further only to hit bottom again and find out it's not the bottom because it falls out a short time later. I've lost weight, nearly my job, I have no tears left to cry so my sobs are just heaves which happen till my chest hurts. I look in the mirror and I hate the man I see. I feel I have no dignity. I've got nothing left to hold onto. Prayer is hard and ends up being repeated pleas for the pain to stop.

Today's dare also says patience helps your spouse be human and gives them longer than they deserve to correct mistakes. I get that. But what about when they seem to have no desire to correct the problem. K has said when Scott comes to town she is just taking two days off of work to spend with a friend. A friend she has had sex with while married to me. A friend who refuses to step aside at my request and who speaks to me as if he has some clue about the last 12 years of my marriage. I'm suppose to believe the best and trust her right? That's what love does right? But she violated that trust when she lied to me about sleeping with him two months ago when he came back into town. What kind of moron am I if I believe her again? I get we are called to love and trust, but I don't think we are called to be passive doormats who buy every lie told to us.

Tonight was tough because she didn't respond to any messages from me or the kids. I was driving and utterly torn on what to feel. I was worried but I wasn't. I was mad but I was more sad than mad. I was hurt and afraid and jealous and everything in the span of 20 mins. I finally said a simple prayer because I didn't know what else to pray for. "God, send me whatever you think I need right now." And left it at that. We drove by her apartment on the way home and it was all dark. I was at peace by the time I got home and resolved to the fact that one of three things were happening. She's out with someone else and if so, I don't want to know. She's hurt, and if so there is little I can do about it, or she's asleep and we'll hear from her in the morning. So I prayed God would keep her safe and hold her in his hands where ever she may be, and I put the kids to bed and called it a night.

I am doing my best to be patient. But only when it comes to trusting in God. I trust God, but my trust in humans is at an all time low after one of the only humans I trusted betrayed me in the one way she knew would hurt me the most. But where it comes to trusting in God I am okay. I know he has this in his hands and will work it out if that is his will. "Let your will be done." has become my mantra and my default prayer when I don't know what else to pray for. It has brought me much comfort, between that and the FFH song "Undone."

"Come Undone

Surrender is stronger

I don't need to be the hero tonight."

I am turning my gaze and my energy towards him and towards my kids and if his will is that my marriage is to be saved then he will work it out and make a way for that to happen despite what I do. I have resigned as General Manager of the Universe. I wasn't good at it anyway.

Day 1

Jaime — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 17:34:52 GMT

My husband and I are currently separated, not legally or anything, but he moved out last Wednesday (took his clothes more like it) and is sleeping on his parents couch. We have a 4 month old little boy, and have been married a little over 4 months as well. He doesn't want to work on things and he says it is over. I believe in my heart he will change his mind within time and come home. His negative feelings towards me are clouding his judgement. Anyways, since we're not living together right now some things may be hard for me, but I am going to do them anyways the best that I can! He does however come over almost everyday after work to see our son, so I do get to see him.

Todays dare is pretty easy, say nothing negative. I may have trouble with this tonight however because we only watched the movie last night (separately) so we haven't discussed it and I don't know if it has impacted him at all. So if he does say it hasn't than I may get upset and start crying etc. But I'm going to try and be strong and just thank him for watching the movie if this happens. If he does say it has changed his mind somewhat and will give me a chance or whatever than that's great. Wish me luck!

Also, any ideas for tomorrows dare, what can I do as a nice gesture when we don't live together?

Day 1 - Commitment and letting her know

James — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 03:57:15 GMT

I started Love Dare 5 days ago and wanted to log what I did in earlier days...

Well, my wife and I are separated so we don't really see or talk on the phone so I really couldn't not accomplish this one. What I did instead was I sent her an email telling her that I've accepted this dare. She knows Love Dare because she actually bought the book but we didn't follow it then and we saw the movie in a church event together. In summary my email said "I love you unconditionally and expect nothing in return. I will fully submit to God and let Him fill my heart with love and change my life." She replied saying thanks for sharing but "when one door closes, another one is open". Initially I was taking it as disappointment because her thinking had not changed at all. Then I recall that I have God on my side and I would let Him guide me, instead of analyzing what that means and become mad about it. Satan is good but God has power over him. I'm patient. I did not reply to her message.

Day 1: Love is Patient

omegadoctor — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:40:27 GMT

Day 1

pebo — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 17:07:14 GMT

My husband and myself re seperated. He thinks i am too controlling and too anxious. i love him and forgive him but he is bitter and resentful. I am trying this and i believe it will work. God is the God of theimpossible. I started the dy by reacting to his negative behaviour i will be emailing him to correct that.

Anyone doing this WITH thier spouse?

mrsandmama — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 03:09:08 GMT

It seems like most (if not all) of the threads I have read so far are of one person in the relationship doing the Dare. Is this something that can be done together? I mean I know much of it is a personal journey and that has to be the focus. But is it something where we can both do it at the same time with the other knowing. Can it be something we talk about each day and involve each other in? I guess I feel like I can do it however I want, but if anyone could direct me toward some threads where people are discussing doing the Dare with their spouse either doing it with them or at least being aware of it, I would appreciate it!

Prepping for Round III

Seeker108 — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 18:23:15 GMT

Well it's sorta round III. I didn't finish my second time thru because of work and travel, so I have opted to start over.

The divorce is set to be final sometime after September 20.

K confirmed she slept with Scott. Even though I speculated about it, I had hoped for the best because that was what the book says love does. But it still felt like a punch in the stomach.

I tried, while being led to protect her, to ask Scott to back away and let us finish out whatever this is to look like. I told him he had already interfered too much in my family by sleeping with my wife and asked him to stay out of my family. He said no. He said I had blown my chance with her and that I had screwed up my marriage in the 12 years I had her and that she was no longer my wife. I attempted to appeal to his sense of honor, which I found he had none. I made a comment that I couldn't make him do anything but I was going to ask and that he'd pay the consequences for his actions. He laughed at me and said "hell yeah I will, I owe you nothing." I hung up and have never been so mad in my life. He was awfully brave from 4000 miles away.

K came to me the day I talked to Scott and gave me a prepared monologue about how she has always loved me and will always love me and she knows what she did with Scott was wrong and that she wants to stop hurting. But she no longer wants to be my wife. She wants to be my best friend and great parents to our kids. I don't know how to tell her that if we aren't going to be married, I can't be her friend, it will be too hard. I didn't look at her while she was talking. I didn't want to read the lies in her face. In the very same conversation 20 mins later she couldn't stop telling me all the ways I've hurt her and how evil I am and that if she ever did come back to me she would never forgive herself and she would rather die than come back to me. Those are def the words of someone who loves someone else. Plus she continues to speak to Scott and pine after him. Telling me a few weeks ago nothing could work between her and I anyway because she was in love with Scott.

I have a training coming up over labor day for work. I asked her if she could watch the kids because it is on my days with them. She said she had plans. Scott is either coming to town or she is going to see him. It's hard for me to continue to try to love and care and honor someone who can't do the same thing for me. I know that God has done that for me, but I'm not God. It hurts and I'm tired of hurting. I came to the conclusion today that not only is my wife not the woman I thought she was, but she's not the woman I am in love with. That woman is a shadow and a thought from a time when things were better. The wife I have right now...hates me and I think she has for a while. If our lives fall apart in a slow fade, I would have to think that this level of hatred she is demonstrating towards me is also a slow fade. Maybe its been building for the whole of our relationship. I don't know.

My walk with God is going well. On again, off again. I have a church now which I can't always make it to but I listen to the services on their podcasts and it helps me. I know I need to be right with God before anything else will work. So in a sense I'm letting my marriage go. I expend so much energy trying to be something for her I can't be. I expend so much energy that I don't have anything left over for God or my kids and that seems backwards.

We are right around 50 days until our marriage is final. 50 Days is a long time. Long enough for me to do this love dare one more time, but not so much in hopes of saving my marriage, but more in hopes of getting right with God and saving what I can of my dignity. Of forging ahead with a solid foundation of love, a solid understanding of love and a method for application. I don't know anymore if I want my marriage to be saved. I don't want to be with someone, who even though they are hurting show such little regard for me. Maybe that is selfish, but I'm not God.

I guess the other part is I can at least say I tried everything I could. I pray for her. I pray for me. I pray for our family. But she has no remorse for what she has done and holds me in utter contempt and will not forgive me for the sins I have committed in the past. I know God has forgiven me. But I also know I have failed in allowing myself to be defined through K. My definition needs to come from the only one who can define me, God.

I read The Shack a few weeks ago and there was a statement in there that struck me. God said that the greatest act of love he could have done for man was give us the freedom we thought we so desperately wanted. I think about that in terms of K. She is convinced this is what she wants or what she thinks she wants. She is moving forward and doing everything in her power it seems to be telling me she is done with me, from passive methods to directly mean and hateful statements. I guess where that leaves me is doing the only thing I can do. Let go. Let her go and trust in God that he is good and can be trusted.

Round III starts on Monday.

Time for a Change

charlottegirl — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 15:37:22 GMT

My husband told me 10 days before our first child was due that he wanted to separate. I was absolutely crushed, and as I found out, he was having an affair with a 24 year old (he was 35). He has wavered a little in his desire to make our separation official, and is now staying in the guest bedroom. My daughter is now 6 months old, and I have pretty much raised her on my own. I love his so much, but he feels i abandoned him as a wife and that instead of telling me this, he went with the other woman...i hate to even call her that....as she is a girl.

I want to make this work so badly, but he just wants to be friends for now. I am starting the Dares so that I can learn what true unconditional love. After reading the first dare, I realize I have not shown unconditional love to him in the 9 years we have been together (4 years of marriage). I am in this for the long haul, but having him so far away from me emotional is sometimes too hard to handle.

Are you supposed to continue each dare for the whole 40 days....like for day 1, you are not supposed to say anything negative.....is this supposed to continue the whole time? Thanks for your responses.

Keeping the Faith

Michelle — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 17:51:20 GMT

Sean,

Well I figured out how to do a new post. I have been doing Day 1 over and over again and will continue to do it until after vacation. I just want to go to the lake and relax, I am so tired of this being on my mind constantly. My husband will be with us for a few days and then comes home on Wednesday. He is so infatuated with this other woman right now that he doesn't care about anyone else. He wouldn't even see his grandson on July 4th because he said he was going to the boat. He is so selfish right now. I am praying daily for strength to love him unconditionally. Taking the Love Dare book with me to read the Appendix while I am gone. I know in my heart that our marriage will work. I have found out who she is and have thought of confronting her, her son played ball with our son and for my husband 8-9 years ago and her other son was in my step daughters wedding last August and she was at our Grandson's 1st birthday party in March which is when the daily calling started. I pray for her also because she needs help if she has to see a married man.

Thanks for all the support.

Michelle

Day 1

all4you — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 14:46:52 GMT

Today is Day 1, Patience and kind words is so key. After watching the movie I realized in myself that a marriage can always be better. We have a good marriage but I want a great marriage. The doctorate degree marriage. So this journey for me is to be a better wife to my husband. To be thankful for all he is to me and all the Lord as given me.

I thought Day 1, would be easy.....

Burman — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 13:43:41 GMT

It's 9:30am and I've already bitten my tongue twice. I really felt good about getting started today, but some friends asked us along (as a family) to take the kids up the coast for a steam boat and train ride and she already has excuses, there is going to be too much beach traffic and we'll sit in the car for hours...I would usually at this point not start an arguement but just try to get her to agree to go, which usually ends up with her going and pouting. Actually us getting out of the house with friends would ease tentions all around.

She suffers from depression/anxiety which doesn't help anything and I honestly believe it twists things in her head. She does take some baby-dose meds, but they help very little. She won't see someone trained to deal with it, so the family doctor gives her lite doses of meds. So, I'll just keep biting my tongue and pray for strentgh.

is starting this with skepticism normal?

Burman — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:15:56 GMT

I am a bit skeptical about this. Is this normal? I love my wife, she tells me she loves me, however she also tells me this marraige is over after 9 years. I was told I wasn't there for her when she needed me. I gues to an extent I 'checked out' I never knew how to love someone. I'm told now that any attempt now is too little to late.I wouldn't consider myself very religious (yes i believe in God), but I dont practice religion on a daily basis, and my wife really doesn't believe in a higher power at all. I guess I'm just skeptical and grasping at straws. Maybe i shouldn't be here. I don't know right now.