My name is Brittany I am a wife of three years and a mother of a two year old son. My husband is in the Navy and here one week gone the next. I don't know really when our marriage started falling apart but it has. I am the one that would be ok getting out of the marriage, but not because I don't want to try but because my husband has said somethings that wont leave me. One night when he was at work and I was at home we got into a very bad fight. My husband told me that the only reason he was staying in the marriage was because of our sonand that NOT one bit of him still loved me. I didn't want out until he said that. My husband and I made up after that but it wont leave me.
A friend of mine asked me out to watch a movie at her house and it was Fireproof. She told me when it was over she wanted me to take the dare. The first day went fine but it was one of our better days. Now he is gone out to sea again and I have to wait a week to do day 2. I just don't know if this dare is really going to help us or not. I feel as thought the wrong person in our marriage is taking this dare.
Marriage is always worth fighting for. If neither of you fight, your marriage may definitely come to an end. But if you fight, even if you feel your spouse is in the wrong, your marriage has a chance, and you will grow in the process. You'll grow closer to God and grow as an individual. Hang in there, it's not going to be easy, especially if he said he didn't love you. But it's still worth fighting for.
Leslie Holmes
Community Builder
Brittany- God is sovereign, he has a plan for everything and does whatever He desires with whomever or whatever He pleases. I realize that you feel that he should be the one doing the dare, but God has called you to do it. This is your chance to step up. Be obedient to God and watch Him heal your marriage. For women, not feeling loved by our husbands is devastating, but God is willing and able.
I am in the middle of taking a Beth Moore bible study and I learned an important lesson last night that really applies to me in my circumstances, but I think is a powerful lesson for all women.
I will not bow to the god of despair. I will not bow the to the god of self-pity. I will not bow to the god of anger. I will not bow to the god of unbelief. I will not bow to the god of sadness. I will not bow to the god of doubt. There is only one true God, my God... and my God can do anything!
Hello, Brittany:
Just a note to say that you prayed for help, and God sent you help for you. These dares are lessons, and I would do them every day, whether your husband is physically present or not, do them in your head and heart. Even if your relationship might fail, the Lord is helping you know what love is, by actions, not by words, and Biblically. When the dare says 'be patient, and don't say anything negative', be patient and work on the negative thoughts about or toward your husband. Don't give in to fear or remorse or anger. Those are negative things, so challenge them with what you know is the truth. You love your husband. Love should change and grow. Change comes from pressure, some may say, but it really comes by making a choice. It is easy to hold your tongue when you are angry, but what do you do in your head? Simmer, stew, boil. Great for a soup, but bad for a soul. I am taking this challenge without my hubby knowing, because it is for me to learn, not as a new years resolution which will fade in two weeks, but a way of changing my thoughts and behaviors. Who I am needs to learn and grow. I am not trying to learn to be a saint. I am just trying to get an idea of how God loves me, even when I am unloveable, mean or hurtful, and how to love someone else who might treat me that way, with something besides human emotion. It may or may not heal my marriage, but it may heal me instead.
HI Brittany,
Have you tried to make a phone call to see how he is faring? Have you assess your predisposition when he comes through the door from sea?
Just check these two things only and I'll get back to you later.
God bless you
Brittany,
Just keep following the Love Dare day by day. There are a lot of us out here who are struggling with a spouse who seems to have become someone else than who we married. I thought I had a strong relationship with God until this trouble started in our marriage. Now while going through the Dare, I have found out that I have so much to learn and a long way to go and grow to become the Christian husband that I can and want to be. You can do it. Just put it into God's hands and keep the faith.
I read your post and wanted to say, the dare is not just for the sake of your marriage.It's for you as well. To learn, expierence, grow and love.
I am the wife of an Army man, married 3 years in July. He left for Korea after a 5 day vacation, we fought alot.. He left telling me he will not be bringing me with him & he is only staying married for the extra money he will receive. Its been so hard for me, he's 10,000 miles away & I wont see him for a year. I made the decision to fight one last time, for my marriage. I believe God will calm his heart & his anger will subside if I do the right things for myself & for my marriage. He says he loves me with all his heart. I believe him, he is broken but I believe in miricles & I will do whatever I can to show him leaving isnt the answer. It a fight worth fighting for...
onewithGod
I am a 26 year old mother of 4 and wife of 5 1/2 years. I can relate to the difficulty you are experiencing and how sometimes things can seem like the fault of your spouse and not your own burden to bear. My husband and I have had our struggles (like we all do) but if there is one thing that I have come to understand it is that God is Sovereign and He allows things to happen in our lives (yes, even hurtful things) because He knows what it will take to draw us unto Himself....to grow us into the likeness of His Son. If I were still under the impression that my husband was flawless, then I wouldn't need the Lord so much. It has been through my times of loneliness that I have found a friend in the Lord. There is no one that can be everything you need but Him. It has been through my own bad attitude and actions that God has shown me just how wicked I really am. It is not my husband who causes me to react this way...it's been inside of me all along. God just knows exactly what circumstances it is taking to weed these issues out of my heart.
I know how difficult it can be, but perhaps you can take advantage of the week (s) that your husband is away and really spend time with the Lord and allow Him to work in your life. This time will better prepare you to serve your husband when he is home. It can be doubly hard when this must be practiced on a day to day basis.
God Bless you on your journey.
Everybody said helpful things and the only thing I can think to add is that my husband was active duty Navy for 22 yrs. It really is a whole different way of life. I think it will make doing this harder, but not impossible. If it was impossible God wouldn't have brought it into your life now. The commisary bags used to say "Navy Wife, the toughest job in the Navy." I totally agree.
My husband is currently in Afghanistan.
I finished The Love Dare the day he left. He still had 10 days to go.
Even though we are 6-8k miles away from each other, our love and friendship has continued to grow every day. Why? Because I make it a point to email him every day, to continue communicating with him. Every day I tell him how much I love him, how much he means to me. I send him care packages and include a little surprise that hopefully will bring a smile to his face.
Every day I get an email from him saying 'thank you' for continuing to run our home and our life. He appreciates every thing I do to keep our life running while he is away.
These small actions help us to feel close to each other and lets us know that we are in the heart of our spouse.
The Love Dare changed my marriage, changed me, and changed my husband. And yes, we were on the brink of divorce. I know it works, but if it hadn't been for God, it would not have been a success.
Please don't give up hope because it's true that with God absolutely ANYTHING is possible!
You posted this in Feb.....I hope and pray you have hung in there and stuck it out. If not and you happen to read this reply please listen carefully!!!!! I was in much the same shoes as you, but with 4 children. Both my husband and I admitted to each other that we were in it for the kids. He too, said he no longer loved me. Those words are hurtful and certainly unforgettable. However, the deeper I got into the dare I realized that the right person WAS doing the dare. I thought for many years that my husband was ALL wrong and I had more than a leg to stand on in my complaints of our fallen apart marriage. I had all the justification I needed to place all the blame on him. Then, I realized that it was ME. He was only responding to me and all the crazy things I was doing that I had totally JUSTIFIED!!!! Read day 7 and then move on to day 2. Day 7 was a real wake up call for me.
Don't quit..........God never quits on us!
so this is my first post.
hmm.. I too am/was a military wife. Marine.
Have been separated for almost 2 years now.
I just ordered the book.
We hardly even speak.
Should I even try anymore? How can this possibly work?
Elizabeth
Elizabeth, today is my first day. A friend and I are taking the dare together, though he says his marriage is better than ever, and mine is worse than ever!
Should you even try anymore? You ordered the book. You've posted here a couple of times. Something in you is urging you to look into this.
It will be hard, the two of you so far away, but still, there's that impulse to try. May be the Holy Spirit...
I think it's worth it. When we give up on things, especially important things, it haunts us for the rest of our lives, like a nagging voice in the back of the mind, what if I hadn't given up?
Also, you say you're separated, so still married. Marriage is your vocation, its my vocation, that means a call from God. It wasn't just you and he falling in love, it was God calling the two of you together. Marriage is God's call to you, to me, to your husband, as how he wants us to serve him, and how to grow in holiness.
Sure, God can find some other means for you to serve him, to grow in holiness if you give up on this, but will the next thing be easier? Probably not. I hate to say it, but this is my third marriage and it is by far the hardest of the three! I'm not going to give up this time.
The book isn't a magic incantation that is going to just change things. It's a way of focussing, it's a blue print or a map. It is designed to keep us on track, pointed in the right direction, working on the most important elements of what makes a marriage good, what makes a person holy and faithful.
As much as this is about you and your husband, or me and my wife, it's really about being faithful to God, faithful to the commandments that he has given us, faithful to the proverbs he gave us as guides, but most of all faithful to the sacrificial love by which he is saving us and making us his sons and daughters. If you, if I, can be faithful to the promises of our marriages, we wil be being faithful to God, because the promises are as much to him as to our spouses. Making the marriage work is the way God gave us to serve him, to be faithful to him.
In the end, it is up to your husband, my wife, to respond. If they respond in a positive way, then they too are serving God. If they choose negative, then at least you have been faithful to God's call, at least I have been faitfhul, and God is glorified. If the marriages survive and grow, God is glorified. If they flounder and fail, despite our best efforts with God's grace, we will be made holy, purified through the trial, and God is glorified. It's worth it.
God bless you, Elizabeth.