It started out ok but where it ended i could hardly believe. I tried to come up with something that had been an issue that i could give to her, most things are different now because we are separated. I decided on something relatively trivial but it has been a source of argument and contention. I have for many years been a nail biter, so i decided a few weeks ago to try to overcome my habit. I decided this could also be something to use for this dare. I took a picture of my nails they are healthier and not red i sent it to her with a message explaining that i had decided she was right it was a dirty habit and i was working to quit. Her response was about what i expected not much really at all.
Later in the eve however, everything broke loose, she started texting me berating me for turning everyone against her she accused me of trying to look like a saint and make her look like the bad guy. I explained that i have never talked down about her to anyone, she did change her accusaiton a bit at that and said may be not so much that as just trying to make myself look like a saint to our friends and even our kids. I resisted the urge to continue to try to justify myself or defend and fell back to God for his help in speaking from my heart. She kept referring to what i have been doing as "my program" and telling me what i could do with myself in not so many words. I told her my program was God and my relationship with him and that he was teaching me how to love. This went on for about an hour she threaten me with moving out of state, refusing to talk to me other than what pertains to our daughter (since she said i have already turned our son against her) and that she would find out who her real friends were through this. I was dejected and hurt but God gave me the peace to continue to be calm and react with kindness and not let her words affect what i responded with. This is hard, i know i am changing and she obviously has seen things that are different but her skepticism and doubt are so severe that she is attacking me with words like "fake" "robot" "program". The situation between her and I does feel a bit hopeless right now but im not giving up on this journey, with the peace i feel and the way i was able to deal with the situation last night, i know my heart is right and my relationship with God is what this is really all about. I can be who he has always meant for me to be, and if it's his will we will be together again...i prayed for her after our talk and again this morning that God might speak to her heart and help her find peace. So far today (day13) given her text this morning nothing has changed since last eve, i am somewhat glad that today's dare can be done w/o real interaction and i do fear for days to come where that might be necessary, but i will remain willing to try.
wow. That is difficult but you handled the situation well. She seems as though she has been thinking about things and is probably having a hard time dealing with all of this. You did a great job again today. I'm praying for you.
Leslie Holmes
Community Builder
Christ will work on her... As he is now. As I said before she cannot stand (or understand) how your actions. You should be as unhappy as her. And in her mind it is not fair. But remember people of the world cannot begin to understand the power of Gods love in you.... Praise him for these opportunities. And if you recall I said it would get worse before it gets better. Well, be prepared. Her accusations will get worse.
I am right there with you, although my wife isn't as angry as she is apathetic. She has gone so gaga over her new boyfriend, that she is content to let me "serve her" daily by pouring my love into her with actions that quite frankly go on a iced over heart. I literally take over EVERYTHING allowing her complete freedom to act like a single girl again, and boy does she ever! She and her boyfriend have already made plans to "hit the town" all weekend! Leaving me home with my 2 girls babysitting again. Does there come a point where we just say "she is taking advantage of me" and run to get the nearest lawyer? Yes. If we let God go, and give into our flesh, that will happen. I for one REFUSE! I haven't finished anything in this marriage, and I encourage you to take that apathetid attitude toward's God that your wife has (mine has the same....she won't seek counseling, pray, talk to a pastor or anything) so quite frankly we are the only "Jesus" these ladies will see. They are EXPECTING us to fail, since we have done it in their eyes the entire marriage!
NOW is the time to put our foot on the solid rock, Jesus, and ride out the storm, and if he leads us in a new direction after this journey, he will be faithful to us to endure.
I pray strength to you right now, and start every day with God. It has really helped me from hitting depressioin or extreme anger.
First there is a thing or 2 I must point out.
1. When it is your children it is not babysitting. This is an example of the world. Soon you will see that even that thought will change.
2. Be careful with allowing things to happen. You are still responsable for what happens. It is your duty under Christ, to protect your marriage. I understand that trying to put a stop to it would make things worse with her, but you need to pray about this. But think back to before you found Christ. And if the tables were turned. Would you have stopped, would you have truly loved Christ and stopped yourself?
Yes you must focus on your journey, but that does not always mean to just let things happen. Again I have a journal writing about this maybe you should check it out.