Day 16 Forum: Love Intercedes

Day 56 - plant the seed into fertile soil

James — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 02:38:56 GMT

This Love Dare journey has opened my eyes to many things and gives me new meaning to what God's love is all about. At first I wanted this to bring my wife back. I thought if I worked hard enough at it then God woudl grant my wish. I soon found out that this is very much a process between me and Him, whether this brings her back is not the point. But for sure I have experienced some changes personally from the inside out. The seed is sowed into fertile soil, but it might still take weeks, months or even years to bloom. The seed is planted then effective prayer is like watering. God gives us "overwhelming insight into her hidden faults" so I can pray for her effectively. "No one knows better how to pray for her than me."

One of the points of today's sermon is that there isn't such thing as a "sudden collapse" - relating to broken church, marriage, etc. The seed of collapse was already planted long before the collapse. That really had me thinking of the sins and selfishness that were there at the very beginning of our relationship. In his other point that relates to our selfishness, he said that the world will be a better place if everyone does not care who gets the credit.

Day 16...Blessed, but apprehensive

Stephen — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 23:53:42 GMT

I've been praying for her heart to change for over 3 years, so doing this today isn't really much different. I guess I would have to say that I am alert while fasting to bring her more often up to the Lord when I think of her, which is quite often. I have filled up with so much love out of this journey. In fact, I know I love her more today than when we married just under 4 yrs ago. It's hard not to get excited, anticipating the "miracle moment" when she reaches for Jesus' hem, or for His hand as Peter did before he sank. I so want this. I know it's God's heart, and yet hers remains so obviously hard and cold to me.

I have confessed to her, and asked her forgiveness for those embarrassing memories of my lack of that soft answer, opting to act out of the flesh instead. The memories of us together are so heart-warming, despite her departure from me on so many occasions and filing for divorce in Nov '09. I can't seem to shake the covenant, not the I want to, mind you. I keep getting the God-given peace and joy in anticipation of her return, yet apprehensive. I must be feeling like the man who brought his son to Jesus to heal him. So many times he was let down, expecting healing or just being afraid to allow his heart to trust that his son would come into wholeness. Asked by Jesus, he said he believed, but forgive me for my unbelief - that's me. The apprehension that comes from the eyes we were born with instead of those from rebirth in Christ.

I'm brand new to this forum, but I have been blessed by reading many of the stories prior to joining in. I can only say, I'm in the mix of this with so many others' feelings and frustrations. Today, nothing has changed, but I am one step closer in my walk with Christ which is change enough fr the Lord to work with, I guess. PTL :)

I'm very nervous. What if she does come back? What do I do...what if she doesn't. These go on in my head all the times, but I'm learning to live II Cor 10:5, to give those thoughts up to the Lord out of obedience to Christ...let Him deal with them.

Day 16 - Maybe this is it but have to Trust Him

James — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 03:33:26 GMT

So after my email confrontation she immediately texted me back saying let's meet tonight. I agreed to meet at the house. I was nervous but had been praying hard the whole day and some close friends also prayed for me. Prayed that God would speak through me.

The evening started out pretty good but really died towards the end. We started with the affairs and she was truly remorseful about that. She feels like she does not deserve anybody's love. I reassured her that I'm giving her unconditional love but I couldn't bring myself to say "I forgive you" :(. I started sharing some of my journey with God and she listened but seemed indifferent. I was empathic when I needed to be and cried with her at couple moments. Then it turned into a business discussion - She wants to move out and I agree because she was also really upset about how I was going through her stuff to find out about the affairs. I apologized but I think she is still very upset about that. She found a rental place close to work and can move in next week. She also wants to sell the house which I also agree due to the affairs. The conversation died towards the end when she said "I'm tired" (about an hour or so later). She probably felt that I didn't get her and I think she pretended to be the wife I used to know speaking at "my level".

Today's dare:

- Pray that she'll reconcile with God

- Pray that she'll be healed from childhood hurts

- Pray for a genuine breakthrough in our marriage

- Pray for truth to replace lies

Day 16 prayer

justj71 — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 03:03:59 GMT

I started praying daily even before i started the dare, that is what i believe lead me here. I have though started to make sure to pray for my wife, not in a selfish way but rather that she might find her peace and happiness, whether it is with me or without me i do want her to be happy. God has begun to work in her too as i have seen a change in her attitude and openness to me. She texted me today out of no where and said she loves me, she wants to dislike me for the pain i have caused her but she can't. I responded that i loved her too. She then said she was in love with me, and i responded in kind. Later she did say that she was hesitant, and i responded that i knew she was but that God was at work in our lives and i could feel and see what he is doing. He has a plan for us, whether to bond us together or to strengthen us for our journies apart. She seemed to understand what i was saying. We have spent the last couple of evenings together sharing time and watching tv just the two of us and also with our daughter. I am continuing to remind myself though and praying for the strength and forebearance to continue my journey through the dare. I do not want to fall into the same pattern as i would have before starting to believe when things go well that i can do it on my own. This time i want to follow through for as long as it takes...for life.

Heartbreaking day 16

mirjam — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 07:33:59 GMT

Hello

Yesterday was my day 16. Have been praying for my husband for a very long time now, will keep praying for him. That he will get God in his heart and will see the truth.

My husband came over last night to go through some financial documents. That was oke, even though I had tears in my eyes a lot of the time. After we had a the documents, I asked him how his relationship with God was. He was surprised I asked. I told him I just want my kids to go to church every sunday and that I wanted them to hear the bible every day. He said he was surprised because that has never been the way we handled our faith. But if I wanted that, that it was something to put in our parentingplan. I then asked him how he "justified" his decision to get a divorce to God. He said he didn't want to discus that.

I still had my dare for day 5 to do, so I asked him what he found irritating being with me. He said how many things do you want to hear. I said how about three. He said he didn't feel comfortable with the way I looked at him after asking a question, it made him feel like I was expecting an answer. He said that I sometimes seem to get on my preachingstool, and lecture him on what he is doing wrong. And then he said I seem to have changed so much, I even like beer now. This one I answered and said, I sometimes drink a beer, but never more then 2 because then I don't like it anymore. He said well in order to drink beer you must like it. I decided to let it go.

We talked about the reason he wanted a divorce. Well it's all because of the last year, I hurt him to much. I told him he hurt me too, but I still love him and will love him unconditionally. He said that was the difference between us, he doesn't love me anymore. I got really upset. He said I seem to think everything is about the communication between us. I told him I thought it was that, but most importantly it was about the trust having disappeared in our marriage. He doesn't trust me because I hurt him. I hurt him by distrusting him and talking to friends about it. I tried to explain this to him before, but he doesn't seem to want to hear, so yesterday I didn't start explaining again. I told him I haven't trusted him for a long time either, but that I was giving it all up now.

We talked a little more about all the arrangements and he said well I still want to be there for you and the kids. I started talking about how hard that was going to be if he decided to keep the house, because he wouldn't be able to pay allamony then. He came right back and accused me of being materialistic.

Well I didn't say anything back, just thought making sure your kids don't have a lack of anything would be the way to take care of us. He then said, when I offer my help you reject it. He is right there, because the help he offered was to help me find another place and that just made me hurt, because I feel he wants me out of the house. We talked about me looking for a job. I told him I didn't want to work more then 24 hours a week, because I feel that the children deserve a parent that would be there for them most of the time. He says he sees that differently. I told him I knew that and I respected that. He said he didn't know what I was trying to tell him, I got back to the communication problem between us. He said he was uncomfortable with me showing my feelings all the time, it irritated him. I told him that I couldn't shut of my feelings while talking about all this stuff concerning our family and that he was able to. He thought I ment he didn't think with his heart and told me that everything he does is done from the heart and he thought about it at least 10 times before undertaking anything. I told him I didn't mean that, that I meant that when you actually get to talk about things, he is able to then shut his feelings of and that I wasn't able to do that.

Well then he asked if there was anything else concerning the divorce we needed to talk about and I said I couldn't handle that right then. I was crying uncontrollably by that time. He left, but did ask me if I was going to be oke, I told him I would be in a little while.

Why is this so hard. I just decided to really leave it all to God, cause my husband doesn't want to hear what I have to say. It's all about him. I will continue with the Love Dare so my relationship with God gets stronger and I will keep moving forward on the divorce. I'll keep praying for my husband, that is all I can do.

Thanks for listening

Bye now

Mirjam

Dare 16

Jason — Sat, 08 May 2010 17:51:50 GMT

I started this morning by praying and then I called Court and asked her if she would allow me to cook chocolate chip pancakes for her. She said no and that she already had breakfast. We exchanged a few text and she said some things that were intended to hurt me or make me angry. She did get an emotional response out of me, but no anger. I have been trying to hide from her that I am hurting, but she hit me hard this morning. I have to continue to trust that the Lord will see me through this and that His will, will be done. I have been praying for Courtney ever since I allowed Christ into my heart. I pray for a lot of people. I will continue to pray that her rudeness will transform into pleasant words and actions, that she will see the changes in me and most importantly that she will allow Christ to work in her life. I pray that God will help me to remain strong and to help me trust in Him.

I spoke with her grandmother this morning. We talk on occasion and maintain a good relationship. I actually have a good relationship with her entire family. Anyway, her grandmother told me that Courtney doesn't trust that the changes the Lord is making in me are real. That I'm only doing this to get her back, then everything will go back to the way they were. I will admit that when I first started, that was my objective and yes, I do still love her and want her back. This is about Christ molding me into a more Godly person, though. This journey is very painful, but the reward will be well worth it.

i am seeing god move!!!

Maynard — Wed, 26 May 2010 12:50:17 GMT

sorry, i haven't written in a while. i was on vacation last week so i was away from my computer...not necessarily a bad thing. i have noticed things happening that can only be from god. for instance, when i needed to burn my negative list of my wife, god provided a fire that my father in law decided to build, the day i needed a fire. my wife spent a week in nyc alone last week that we originally were going to spend together. in lieu of our recent separation (which is now legal), she wanted to go by herself instead...i told her i understood, and support her and i will even drive her to the airport and pick her up. she was floored that i offered this. the day i had to take her to the airport, she decided that she wanted to "look at her wedding ring again". she was angry with me about 2 weeks prior and placed it in her jewelry box and hasn't worn it since. only when she opened her jewelry box, the ring was gone. she panicked, and frankly, so did i. we assumed that our 3 year old son had gotten into it and took it, because that's what 3 year old boys do...and he has done this before. it could be anywhere...down the vents, in toy boxes, down the drain...flushed down the toilet...anywhere. i told her that if she wanted to look at a wedding ring, she could look at mine, and i showed her my hand...she gave me a sweet grin. i told her that we're too pressed for time, and that i would search the house when i come back from dropping her off at the airport. the entire ride, she kept apologizing to me that it was gone, i told her not to worry about it...and i meant it. when i came home, i prayed that it would turn up...i tore my house upside down. i pulled all sorts of crap out of every vent in my house...to no avail. our kids spent the night with her mom and dad, so when i picked them up, i told them her ring was missing and that i needed their help in finding it. all 3 girls began to cry that it was gone. i lead my son to the jewelry box and asked him if he took the ring. he said, "no". about 3 hours later, my wife called to tell me she was safe and in her hotel in nyc. and as she began to unpack her make up bag, she noticed her wedding ring was inside her make up bag and asked if i had put it there. i have been living at her mom and dad's house, so i wasn't home to do anything like that. i asked the kids...and they denied it as well. she has been baffled that it showed up, even to this day. i believe that god did this.

i was supposed to "forget to do a chore so that we could do one together" on sunday. unfortunately, we had a huge argument that ended with me hanging up on her twice because i didn't want to say anything that i would later regret...i even told her that as i was hanging up. i thought to myself, "well, i'm going to have to postpone this dare for another day". god had other plans. i called her back to apologize for my tone, and if i had said anything hurtful to her. the conversation was much more pleasurable. she asked me to come home and help put the kids to bed. i thought this may be the dare coming to pass after all. i was mistaken. when i arrived, we talked to the kids about our separation, and explained to them that we still love them, and that would never change. they have been asking a lot of questions, so we decided to hold a family meeting to let everyone air out their grievances. my 2nd daughter started to complain that her head was itching, so my wife looked and to her shock, she discovered that my daughter was infested with head lice. she immediately ran to the store to get the proper shampoo and we had to scrub everyone's hair, and do the normal routine for treating this. after 2 hours and no end in sight of this chore, it didn't dawn on me that i'm completing my dare until i was washing my daughter's hair. it was as clear as a bell..."you're getting your dare in aren't you?". i laughed uncontrollably and began to praise god for allowing this. the good news, only one daughter was infected...and nothing or nobody else had it. as we finally put the kids to bed (3 hours or so later), i started to leave. my wife and i talked a bit...and then i reached out to hug her, and we hugged for what seemed like forever. i felt the connection, and i know she did too. she kept saying that she just wants to "be friends". i told her i respect her decision.

yesterday, i had to show her honor and respect. only i wasn't able to see her hardly at all because i now have to work 2 jobs. one to support the house payment to keep my wife and kids there, and the other (new) job to support me as i find a room to rent until my wife finishes school...no end in sight there. one of her girlfriends made the comment of how noble it was of me to work 2 jobs and live apart from my family while my wife finishes school. my wife felt that she needed to thank me for this. it allowed the opportunity to explain why. on a side note, every time my phone rings and it's my wife, i pray that god goes before me in battle and prepares the way. i did this when we spoke last night. i told her that out of all the relationships i have in my life with all the people i associate with...hers is the one i value and respect and sacrafice the most for, and i meant it. my wife was speechless, and when she did speak, it was very sombering. she thanked me and we both wished each other a good night.

today, my dare is to pray for my spouse. i am praying for a breakthrough in my marriage, and i believe it's coming on god's watch. when we signed the separation papers last week, she felt that that was the beginning stages of her trusting me again. i told her that i would sign 100 of them if it meant she would trust me. i had to put my money where my mouth is today. she turned in the papers to her lawyer yesterday (again, she was out of town for a week). her lawyer called her back today to inform her that the papers have been processed, and turned into the court and have been given a case number. unfortuantely, the papers we signed were in an email form that had email addresses on the header. still a binding contract, her lawyer wanted to know if i would be willing to sign them again. my wife started to cry as she was being asked this. so as my wife called me to tell me, i informed her again that i would sign 100 of them if it meant she could trust me, or begin to trust me. so we are taking care of it tomorrow...again. i asked my wife if there was anything i could do for (dare #2)...and with a broken voice she said, "no".

while my wife was in nyc for the week. i spent the entire week putting my house in order. every honey-do list was accomplished and then some. she noticed immediately when she came home. i told her that i don't want her to have to worry about anything while i'm away. she didn't say much...i do know that she is confused. she is searching for answers from everybody / everywhere but god. i noticed she is reading a book by the dalai lama. all i can do is pray that god reveals himself to her. he is doing some crazy things in my life right now to prove that he is in the midst of all of this. i have taken the advice from sean (whom i met on here) and have relinquished my fears. i am totally 100% trusting on god, and not leaning on my own understanding. i have walked on cloud 9 today and i have submitted myself to the sovereign hand of jesus, and have resisted the devil...and he is fleeing! praise god!!!!!

2nd Time Day 16

Otty_Beaner — Wed, 12 May 2010 11:17:35 GMT

5-11-10

I choose to pray for my wife every day. I see some of my prayers being answered so I know God is at work. He gives me little signs that he is working on us.

I pray for her caring heart to come back, for her to forgive the past so we can move on with our future, and for her to be happy again.

It was pretty easy for me to pray for her because I already do it every morning and night....plus about a hand full of times during the day. I ever have the kids pray for her happiness when I put them in bed.

I am continuing to just let God have her and looking more at me and my walk with Christ. I feel pretty good today but I know there will be rough days ahead and I will pray for the strength to overcome those when they arrive.

Day 17: Kind of a wash!!

Stan — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 04:13:17 GMT

Well Day 17 & 18 will be hard to complete. This morning my wife informed me, by text ,that she is feeling Confused, Sad & Depressed. She said she needs some "me" time. What that means i don't know. But after she went to see the marriage counselor she left for out of town to stay with her girlfriend. She said she didn't want to go to her parents she needed to be alone and figure a couple of things out.

I just told her I loved her so you do what you have to do. I told her I wanted to see her before she left but if not i would post a message on her Facebook wall.

The message said this:

This past weekend we had spent together was amazing for me. Again, thank you for that experience. One thing I want you to know is I love you with all my heart, and when I tell you I love you in the morning, before I go to work, and in the evening before we go to bed, it’s not meant to smother you. I say this because if anything every happens to me I don’t want there to ever be any doubt in your mind that I loved you. You have been a blessing to me and our children. You have been and still are beautiful, sweet, wonderful, caring, faithful, committed, trustworthy and supportive wife and I can’t thank you enough for that and I hope I can be there for you when you need me too. Everything I have accomplished, in actuality “we” have accomplished. Thank you.

Unfortunately, right now , this is a confusing journey your are on, but it’s yours to fulfill, and you and only you need to figure this out. I so wish I could help you, but all I can do is be as supportive as possible and follow the journey I have engaged in. I hope and pray your able to find the answers you are looking for and with any luck both of our journeys will once again be one. Have a safe trip, enjoy yourself, take care and I will see you when you get home on Saturday.

I love You,

Stan

This is what I had planned to tell her today if we had met in person. Hopefully I did the right thing.

Day 16: Love Intercedes

Stan — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 02:24:10 GMT

I pray every day! When I get up in the morning, on my way to work, while at work, lying in bed, etc. I think you get the picture. I truly believe in the power of prayer. Just in the sixteen days it has changed my life tremendously. When i pray I feel at peace. Over the years I had faded away from the word and I didn't know how much I missed it until I reconnected with Christ.

Well today I started out with a little prayer, and completed my Love Dare for day 15. This has been a whirlwind for me. It is like I'm learning a new language all together. Anyway today was marriage counselor day and I think it went well, I hope soon we will come to that junction where she will bring us back together instead of individually for counseling. I had to work the evening shift tonight, but was able to get away at lunch to bring some dinner home. My wife had to work out in the field and when she returned home she was wiped out and she didn't need to be doing anything but resting. I don't know if I have brought this up before but she has fibromyalgia. Well anyway while I was there I rubbed down here neck and shoulders so she could take a nap. I left a went back to the field to work.

Anyway for today’s Dare the Three areas I prayed for God to work in my spouses life are:

1. I prayed for her health.

2. I pray that forgiveness would replace resentment and bitterness.

3. I pray that she too will find the love and peace that I have found in the lord.

As for our marriage:

1. I pray for understanding and to make our marriage whole once again.

2. I pray for “Love” and “Honor” become the norm in our marriage.

Day 16 and a chat with the in-law

Otty_Beaner — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 11:18:12 GMT

3-31-10

I have seen a little good come out of my prayers. She actually said she would come with and the kids to Easter Service this sunday. The three things I am praying for in my spouse is: Forgiving heart, Loving heart, and faith in our marriage. I have also been praying a lot for her to find happiness again. If that is with me or not, I have no clue, but I will let God decide that one.

Prayer has been pretty easy here lately as it is pretty much all I can do right now the the state I'm in. I took half day vacation today and spent it with my mother-in-law. I had her watch the Fireproof movie with me then I told her I was doing the same thing to her daughter. She asked if she knew about it and I said no and not to tell her.

Grandma said her daughter was pretty much over the marriage and there was little hope but I am going to put my trust and faith in prayer and God right now and not what people say.

Finally starting to realize that I can't change her but I can pray for her.

Day 16

Hanzibar — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 03:14:20 GMT

Since beginning the love dare I have been praying on a very regular basis. More than anything I want my wife to be happy. To know joy and peace again. I hope that the Lord can touch her heart as he has touched mine. I think the best time for me to pray is when I get home and I'm out walking the dog. It starts to feel more like a conversation.

Love Dare-Day 16 Mar 4

snap_41_98 — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 16:27:07 GMT

Really liked the Ten Keys: Ten Things that make prayer effective

When making my list for things to pray about for my spouse I also saw things that I myself need others to pray for me about. It also made me realize where I am and where I want to be. Yet, more importantly I found that I want to do what God wants me to do. I prayed God would send me a job where I can be a help to others and be the light to others.