Dani's journal

On a roller-coaster ride! Advice needed at end of journal, please!

angeleyes10 — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 17:40:12 GMT

Things are up and down. I have my good days and bad days. Just as things seem to look better my husband says something or my mind gets away from me and I lose the positive. It seems like he has been spending more time with me. He has been talking to me on the phone now and texting more. For the last month or so he was not answering calls from me and rarely called me. I think a big part of that was the guilt that he was seeing someone else and couldn't talk to me on the phone. He said it was too hard hearing my voice. It's getting better though. For instance, he just called me to tell me good morning. We talked for a few minutes. After we hung up, he sent me a picture of him saying have a good day. To me this seems like he is trying. Each day I feel more and more that he wants to start fresh and for us to learn to love each other again. To learn to appreciate one another. He is still seeing this girl, but says he does not see it going anywhere. Seems like he is just having fun and enjoying the attention and freedom. He has told me to just give it time, that he plans on coming home. But he still says he does not know what he wants. I don't get it. He also tells me to just think positive. I am trying to leave it all be and be a positive happy person, especially when he comes home.

We are going to a concert Sunday night which will be our first time alone out of the house in a couple months. Our son will be at my mom's. I am both excited and scared at the same time. I got him the tickets for his birthday in hopes he would WANT to go with me. I have given him the option to not go with me since I WANT to be WANTED. He said that it wouldn't be right to go with anyone else. I am not sure what to think of this. My neighbor has offered to set up something romantic in the house while we are gone. I am not sure if I should or not. We have never really done anything 'romantic'. I was thinking maybe a rose pedal trail to the bedroom with a rose pedal heart on the bed. Then a friend suggested glow in the dark dice. My husband has not cut me off in bedroom intimacy, he actually seems to enjoy that I want him. So I think this might help spice things up. I am looking for any ideas and advice. Please help! I want it to be memorable for him.

Timing is amazing! Still need advice, but doing okay.

angeleyes10 — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 01:54:34 GMT

Two days ago I confronted my husband about many phone calls and texts to the same number. I came to find out that he is seeing a girl and has been for 1 1/2 months. We talked all day and he is sincerely sorry but still not sure what he wants. He actually had told her already that he was going to tell me. The guilt and hurt has been eating away at him. Aside from all of this he spent 8 hours with me and my son that day. He tells me anything about it that I ask. He also said to me, "just bear with me." What does that mean? I asked him if one of the reasons he did not want to tell me was because he was afraid I would leave him and he said yes. I have always told him if it happens again I would leave. I asked him if he wanted me to stay and he said yes. I told him that if he wants me to stay and that he has hope that we will make it through that he needs to show me at least what he does feel or I will drift away. The hard part is that this girl is a 24 year old mom with a 9 month old baby. She lives at home and has no job. My husband has a soft spot for helping people out. I hope that he does not get sucked in by someone new.

As I read day 22 last night, I was amazed that this was the topic. Since I found out about the affair and talked it over with my hubby, I had a calm peace come over me. I don't know how to explain it but I feel that I need to just wait it out and be there for my husband. I have been wondering if I am just in denial and making a mistake but after reading about loving him no matter what, it seems to make sense.

I would love to hear from anyone that has advice for me. I just need some good, positive friends. Pray for us!

He is cheating on me! :(

angeleyes10 — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:28:06 GMT

I am 99% sure that my husband has been seeing someone else. I am so angry right now. How could he do this to me again and this time we have a child together. I am at a total loss of what to do. I want to confront him and give him the chance to explain. I don't agree with his actions but I still love him and want to be with him if he wants to be here. He has still been coming around and spending time with me. Has anyone dealt with this before? I need help, guidance and prayers.

There may be hope!

angeleyes10 — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 04:36:25 GMT

I am not getting my hopes up but I think there may still be hope. My hubby was gone all weekend fishing by himself. As hard as it was for me, I am glad he took time out for himself. From what I hear from friends and family he was not answering anyones calls. Yesterday was his birthday and he did not want to do anything for it. He stayed in contact with me very little over the weekend, via texting. He was pretty good about replying if I sent him a message. So yesterday evening he sent me a text asking how our son is feeling (he is sick). He asked if there was anything he could do. I told him that it's up to him. It would be nice if he was here. Then he said ok as if he was coming home. He ended up saying that he would just see him the next day because our son would be heading to bed soon. I was a little frustrated since I had not seen him since Thursday and was looking forward to seeing him. I asked him to call me or come home and visit with me a few. Turned out he was back in town at his shop which is 30 minutes away. After talking to him on the phone for a few minutes he decided that he would come home for a little while. Even though he had asked me not to do anything for his birthday, I had gotten him a couple gifts and had planned a steak dinner for him in case he came home. On top of that, I have been trying finish some things that he has been asking me to do for a long time. One thing was fix one of his favorite hoodies that he tried taking the front pocket off and made it worse. It took me 2 hours to fix it, but the outcome was so worth it. I even washed it so it was nice and clean for him. He didn't want me to cook him anything but didn't mind eating my half of leftover steak. We sat and talked for a while. It was really nice. I found out a little more that he still wanted to be here, but he is afraid of being hurt again. He said he has been hurt all of his life and doesn't want that to happen again with me. I asked him to trust me and give it a second chance. To try and let me in and see how it goes. He even said that he would stay the night but he had been drinking and didn't trust himself with me. After about an hour and a half he headed back to work before he got to tired. To my surprise, 5 minutes later he showed back up. I figured it was cause he was too tired to drive back to work. Unfortunately our son had woken up but was really excited to see daddy. It was so sweet, daddy made him soup (because he is sick) and fed it to him. After a while we got him back to bed. He told me he could have easily drove back to work, but decided to come back. I think it is very possible that the lord had a hand in this one. This was not something he normally would do. The best I could get from him was that he missed me and didn't want to go back to his shop and be alone, especially on his birthday. What a treat for me! I wonder if he felt it in his heart that he longed to be with me. He stayed the night, which I savored every moment of it.

I have been praying for him to have an open heart and feel my love. People that have continueously been hurt in their life tend to run when there is a problem. I am hoping that by me praying for him and being there will help him realize that it can work out. Furthermore, I am finding a happier me which makes him want to be around me more. I told him that if we work together and if it's something that he wants we can find a stronger love for eachother than we have ever had.

How do I get him to fall in love with me again if he wants his heart to tell him?

angeleyes10 — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 22:02:23 GMT

So in the past few days I have figured some things out. He says its too hard to be home with me. He comes home most days for a couple hours to see our 2 year old son. He says he loves me and always will. He wants his heart to tell him that he is in love with me. He is afraid if he stays around me that he will fall back into comfort but not be truly happy. How do I get him to realize that we need to work at making our love stronger and eventually he will start to feel the love again? I am lost and don't know what to do. The book is helping me see things that I have and need to change. I am becoming a better person, but I want to take him with me.

On another note, I am on Day 14. This is probably the best I have read so far. He is the one that bought the book and he has told me as he has seen me reading it that it is his book. As I read day 14, I had the strongest feeling that if he reads anything, he NEEDS to read this day. I feel it would give him some direction. I have offered the book to him and he says "no, i'm good.". I don't know how to approach it to him. I know he loves me. This is where he wants to be, he just needs to feel it in his heart.

Please help!

Having a hard time showing my love without pushing him away.

angeleyes10 — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 06:03:44 GMT

It helps to read all that other people are going through. I have been married for almost 6 years. We have had our ups and downs. Intimacy has always been an issue for us. He wants it more than I do. Also I feel that both of got wrapped up in life and forgot that we need to spend more time with eachother to build our relationship. I guess you could say that my husband and I are sorta separated. For the last 3 weeks he has been sleeping at his work most nights. He told me the other night that he loves me, but he is not in love with me, right now. He says he doesn't know if he wants to be single or married. We have a 2 year old son together. I honestly don't feel that he wants to leave, but he is confused. He has stopped all intimacy and physical contact besides hugging me and kissing me on the forehead. He says that he does not want to lead me on if it doesn't work out. I don't get it. He is home for an hour or two every day or so to shower and change. During that time he loves my company and enjoys visiting with me. I have been reading the love dare, but I do not know how to show him I love him when he is hardly here and when I feel my niceness might push him away. He said he just needs his space.

Today he came home at 4 and was here until 8. We had dinner together and just hung out as a family. Our son went to bed at 7 so we had some time together. He could have left then, but stayed. I asked him if I could give him a back massage and he said yes lets go in the bedroom so I can lay on the bed. No intimacy here...he does not want that right now. I massaged his back for a while and he wanted to take a short nap before he went back to work. He was okay with me laying there with him. Sunday when he was here he went to kiss me and stopped himself. Today he said he loved me 2 times and both times I said don't tell me that if you don't want to. The second time he said let me say what I want to say.

So what I need to know is if it seems that there is hope. I am my own worst enemy and over-analyze everything. I also have anxiety problems. I am having a hard time learning how to give him his space and just be his friend. I only know how to love him and show him that.