Today is day 3. Days 1 & 2 were relatively easy, since I have been practicing saying nothing mean for a while now.
My husband is out of the home because he won't give up his girlfriend (she's married with 4 kids; 3 daughters live w/ her; her husband (not father of any kids) has been out of state for several yrs). We have 2 small sons - ages 4 & 6. My husband & I have been together for almost 20 yrs. The girlfriend (GF) has been in the picture for over 2 yrs - she was our babysitter (which is how she became so close to my husband).
I first saw the Fireproof movie over Mother's Day weekend 2009. I watched the movie several times over. I even bought a 2nd copy, just so I could loan it out, so others could share the Fireproof experience. At the time, I wanted my husband to do the Love Dare on me. I knew he was emotionally distant. I was too arrogant to even consider doing the Love Dare on him.
We appear to be headed towards divorce but I want to save our marriage. I have read the journals & been inspired to do the Love Dare. Right now, I still want to work on our marriage but I need to determine if I love him or love the idea of being married to him. I want my family to be together and I can see my faults. I am desparate to show him that I've changed but he's focused on the GF and his new-found freedom. He admits that he never told me that he was unhappy & felt stifled with me. I saw the signs but it was easier to keep on the path, rather than face the hard truth.
I question whether or not we can save our marriage due to his physical relationship with the GF (he has admitted to having sex w/ her). I am going to do my BEST and I will look back 40 days from now and say 'I gave 110%.'
I am Catholic and for Lent, I decided that I would NOT initiate any 'heavy conversations' (during Lent). I am the one who wants to talk about everything & he's the one who is very uncomfortable with talking. So far, it's been OK. Our topics of conversation have been limited but he seems more relaxed. A few weeks ago, after asking him, he said that I do seem calmer (thanks to my counselor!!).
I need to find the strength in myself to STOP all sexual/physical contact with him. When he's around, I find myself back in the 'wife' mode and it's very comfortable. I have been praying for the strength to stay away from him, in that way.
This may sound funny, but I knew I was ready for the Love Dare when I was ready to write in ink, in my Love Dare Journal! I'm getting ready to go write about today's Dare. He has a new crock pot at his 'bachelor pad' and I bought him crock pot liners + food to cook in the crock pot. I know that he may share this food with the GF and that's part of the 'kindness' angle. I'm giving the gift w/o strings (easy to say right now!). He seemed appreciative of my effort. While he's been out of the home (since Dec 7th), I have done various 'nice things' for him but this time, I'm going to follow the Love Dare suggestions.
I'm also making efforts to NOT be concerned about what he does with her nor the time they spend together. It's hard to 'focus on (me) and the boys' - easier said than done!