TODAY’S DARE: Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that’s stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse. In this chapter, there are several things that a marriage needs constant protection from: Harmful Influences such as a tv, internet, work schedules all of which can keep a couple seperate from each other for unhealthy amounts of time.  For us, it was the internet and it was all me.  I was addicted to my email and discussion forums.  I was on it all day at work and as soon as I got home, I would go straigh to the computer to see what I had missed and then check it throughout the night.  I would tell him "just a minute" and 45 minutes later, I was still on the computer.  T used to always complain about it so eventually, I stopped doing it as much.  Then, I got a laptop.  I thought how great is this!!!  I can sit with him on the couch while watching TV and check my emails!  Then, as I began to get more involved in clubs, volunteering, I needed to spend more time on the computer while I was at home because I was already spending too much time on it at work and needed to stop doing that.  I promised that it wouldn't last long and that as soon as I was finished with this project, I would be more "available".  I tried to tell him that at least I was sitting next to him and not in the other room.  That was of little solace. Now that he is gone, I still bring my laptop home almost every night and up until a few days ago, would spend the evenings and days off with the laptop closeby.  Checking email working on club or volunteer stuff.  Now, it's just me and the dog.  I felt that I was still spending time, but now I see that it's not quality time.  While I may be sitting 6 inches away from the dog, she is still feeling ignored.  I can see it because she paws at me, drops toys on me, tries to lay on me, gets into trouble.  All things that tell me that I'm not paying enough attention to her.  All things that I'm sure T felt, but didn't show or speak up about therefore, I didn't notice how neglected he may have been feeling. So now, I have given up the clubs and some of the volunteering.  I now spend more time at work actually working and less time at home on the computer checking email.  I feel less stressed at work and more accomplished.  At home, there hasn't been much change this week since I have been so focused at work, I have left my journal writing for when I get home.  Unhealthy Relationships... well, we all know who has that problem in our marriage.  Because my relationship boundries are so tight, I rarely had friendships that were unhealthy to our marriage.  There were only two instances where T had a problem; one was with an ex-boyfriend of mine, whom I dated just before him.  The ex and I parted on friendly terms and kept in touch to share what was happening in our lives.  He had moved back to California (military man) and met someone, got married and had a kid.  We chatted via instant message once in a long while just to catch up.  T was not comfortable with that at all.  He told me he didn't like it, asked that I stopped and because I didn't feel there was anything wrong with it, I didn't.  He rarely asked about it but when he did, it always seemed that we had JUST chatted.  So it seemed that it was much more frequent than it really was.  In the last year, as his extra marital friendships continued to bloom, I realized that I could not ask him to stop talking to these people if I didn't do what he asked.  So I severed ties and ignored IM requestst.  I felt bad, because it was all very innocent but T was more important.  The second instance was with a person whom we thought was our friend.  She upset him pretty badly and when I continued to talk to her, he felt that I was ignoring his feelings and not standing up for him.  So, based on his request, I severed ties with her too.  I severed these ties because by my being friends with these people, it hurt him and he was more important.  He on the other hand, could not do the same.  He would try, but only got angry and resentfull at me for making him do something that he didn't agree with.  That by cutting off these "friends" he was hurting their feelings and it wasn't fair to them nor was it fair to him to have to give up friends because I was insecure.  Ultimately, this led to him leaving me.  He felt I didn't trust him and asked too much of him, I felt he was choosing these insignificant women and their friendship over me and our marriage.  Shame ... Love says you hide the faults of your spouse, you cover their shame.  We didn't do a very good job of that.  At least I didn't.  Honestly, how could I?  His faults are pretty apparent to anyone who met him.  His good qualities are highly apparent also, which is why he has a lot of good friends.  But for those who don't know him, I would often hear "man, that guy is a jerk".  Often times, I didn't disagree.  More often, I would find comfort in friends by complaining about him and the things he said or did.  How did he do at hiding my faults?  We as a couple did a horrible job of hiding OUR faults.  We would bicker and argue in front of family, friends, people we didn't know.  Making everyone around us uncomfortable.  Why?  Beacuse that's what he does.  He bickers with anyone who will interact with him.  I refused to let him win, walk over me, or be weak, so it often times became a war.  And usually, it was over nothing imporant.  Nothing worth disrespecting each other for. Parasites in this books terms, they mean anything that latches on to you and sucks the life out of your marriage i.e. gambling, drugs, pornography...  In our marriage, it was T's additcion to public attention, and my anger and bitterness.  Those things together truly sucked the life out of our marriage.  While I am learning to recognize this and learn ways to make it better, T is still out there, hanging on for dear life trying to breath and stay alive.  I pray tonight, that God shows my husband the way to to take back his life from this parasite and lead him toward love, toward me.  I will give him life, love and happiness.  God, give me strength to make it through this difficult time in our marriage and continue believing in his love for me and our marriage.  One day at a time.  He loves me.  I beleive in our marriage.  Love him unconditionally.