A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. —Genesis 2:24 TODAY’S DARE: Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship. To my Mom: Today's chapter is about letting go of your parents' grasp and becoming one with your spouse and putting them first.  What you read below may hurt your feelings and I am sorry, but please remember, I love you and that's all that matters. I don't really know how to do this one.  T takes issue with my mother.  He sees her as needy.   He used to say that I was just like her at times.  Which bothered me since she annoyed him so much. I would always wonder how could he love me if I annoy him? It annoys him when she calls me just to say "hi".  Yes, she would call when we were in the middle of a tv show and he would have to wait for the call to finish before we could finish our show.  Or she would call during some other inopportune time and interrupt our time together.  I know it bothered him, but I didn't know what to do about it.  Eventually, she figured out that my tone usually meant that he was home and she would cut the call short and call another time when he wasn't home.  She could always tell when he wasn't home because I was more talkitive.  T has a great relationship with his parents and to him, that means they don't call all the time.  He usually calls when he's driving so he can catch up with them without taking time out of anyone else's life.  I think he wishes that my mom was the same way.  But she isn't.  I grew up differently than he did.  It was just me and my mom for a long time and we depended on each other.  We have had our share of issues and perhaps I was wrong in sharing those issues with him as he tends to hold it against her.  But I'm supposed to trust him aren't IV (Day 17 Love Promotes Intimacy)? We talked about it in counseling briefly.  I think he wanted me to stand up to her and tell her not to call so much.  I honestly didn't know how do do that or whether I really should.  Afterall, she IS my mother and my friend so she should be able to call to say hello.  I suppose that I should have considered T's feeling first and foremost.  Which I did multiple times in order to make him happy.  But maybe I refused to do this one because he was unwilling to put my feelings first over our one BIG issue... the female friends outside our marriage.  I really don't I was withholding because of that.  I just didn't want to hurt my mom's feelings and it just seemed that he was being selfish and didn't care if her feelings were hurt.  I'm not in favor of hurting anyone's feelings.  So you see...  I don't know how to do this dare. Honor thy Father and thy Mother.  So today, I had the opportunity to see him when he dropped the boat off.  I chose not to make any kind of decision and allow the day to unfold.  I figured he would be at the house some time after I got home from work but he texted me about 45 minutes before I was due to get off work that he was almost home and that he would text me when he was gone.  In anticipation of being home before he arrived I brought home leftovers from my lunch for him.  He always ate my leftovers and today it was an exceptional meal so I knew he would really appreciate it.  When he texted me early, I was bummed that he wouldn't get my leftovers, so I told him so.  He said it was ok.  I said "but it is REALLY good!  You would really like it".  He told me that he would be there for a few minutes if I could get off early.  There it was.  There was my open door.  I shut down as quick as I could to get home as fast as I could.  It was kinda awkward, but he made himself in a big hurry so we only talked for a few minutes.  Talk was casual and detail oriented.  He commented that I looked good.  I'm pretty sure that he noticed the wedding ring still on my finger, but he didn't say anything.  He kept getting text messages while he was there and then a phone call which and answered with a quick "I'll call you back".  I heard HER reply "ok bye".  My heart sank.  I don't know who it was but that kind of response means it is someone he talks to often and is comfortable with and not someone I already know as he would have said their name.  I know that about his phone habits.  He left right after that. After he left, all the negativitiy I have been trying to contain came back and I began to think the worst... again.  That he was seeing someone.  That the texts and phone calls bothered me.  Then I started feeling bad about feeling so negative.  How can I expect him to believe that I am changing and learning to love him unconditioanlly when the first time I am truly tested, I failed miserably?  I have no reason to believe he is seeing someone, but I also have nothing to say that at this point, he isn't moving on with his life... without me and with someone else.  How do I suppose I am going to make it through a dinner with him with his phone going off the entire time?  It's not like I can ask him to turn it off because that would tell him that it bothers me and then that puts us right back where we were when he left.  Hopeless that he is who he is and I will never accept it.  Maybe the answer to both issues is simple?  Maybe we should have treated our time together as OUR time.  No phone calls, no texts, no checking the phone for phone calls and texts, no emails, no computers.  And that goes for everyone, unless there is an emergency.  of course, how do you know if it's an emergency unless you pick up the phone? Maybe today's failure is God's way of showing me that I have more work to do.  So today, I will pray for me first.  I pray that can continue to stay positive and focused on one day at a time and bettering myself and learning to love him uncondtionally.  Learning to trust in his love for me even though he does not show it right now.  I pray for Him.  I pray that he is still going to counseling and learning about himself and workingg to heal his heart and mind so he can open it back up to me. One day at a time.  He loves me.  I believe in our marriage.   Stay positive.  Love him unconditionally.