As promised, my days are a little out of order.  Today was Day 14, which of course, follows Day 15.  My task for this day was to purposefully neglect an activity I would normally do in order to spend quality time with my spouse -- to do something she would love to do -- to just be together.  I guess I did most of that, but I'm having a hard time figuring out what activity I would normally do on a Thursday night that I neglected. You see, Kelli works for an auto auction, and Thursday is sale day.  It's the payoff for a week of hard work.  It's fun and hectic, and when the work day is done, if all went well, Kelli is exhausted in a good way.  If it went badly, she's tired and cranky.  Either way, I usually prepare or take Kelli out for dinner.  I either listen to her success stories, which I love, or her reasons why things went badly.  Then we watch a little TV.  I rub her tired, but still painfully cute feet.  Then we go to bed early. Tonight was a little different, I guess, but I don't feel like I neglected anything.  Kelli was making dinner when I arrived, which was a nice suprise.  It was an indication to me that although Kelli isn't in the midst of a structured spiritual journey, as I am, that she's still participating in the repair and recovery of our marriage, her own way.  I appreciated that dinner very much.  We had talked about what to do after dinner, and I told her it could be whatever her heart desired.  She chose a decaf white chocolate mocha and a drive at sunset on a beautiful late spring evening.  We drove and talked, and it was good.  Then we went home and talked some more.  We exchanged stories of how our days went.  We did enjoy each other, just being together.  This part of the evening was really not very exceptional for us.  This type of activity and communication was the one part of our marriage that we've always done well.  It's the one aspect of our interaction that I've hung onto in the worst of times to tell myself there's hope for us.  We do truly enjoy each other's company. When it was time to go upstairs for the rubbing of Miss Kelli's exquisite feet, we got to talking some more.  This is when the evening took a turn toward seriousness and away from just being together.  To be honest, we haven't been very good at that lately.  Over the past few months, discussions about fixing our marriage have generally led to Kelli feeling pressured and being defensive and defiant, and I being impatient, judgemental and demanding.  Not good.  Tonight's discussion about the state of our marriage, although it did have it's difficult moments, was constructive, revealing and helpful to both of us.  I had asked Kelli what she wanted to talk about in her individual counseling session tomorrow.  She thought about it for awhile, and then asked me what I thought she should bring up.  I first made sure she really wanted to hear my answer, because I didn't want to have a talk that would ruin a great evening.  Then I suggested she ask for help with replacing fear with faith, not in me or her, but in God's ability to save our marriage.  I also suggested she ask for help in giving and receiving forgiveness.  As she pondered my suggestions, she asked what I would talk about in my session next week.  I told her I would ask for help with patience.  I shared with Kelli that this is a very frustrating time for me, if I let it be, because I feel so transformed and so excited by the work God is doing in my life, so happy that I know the kind of husband He wants me to be and so ready to start carrying out that role in Kelli's life, but she continues to keep me at arm's length because she hasn't felt the same things I have, or done the same kind of spiritual work that I have.  I told her that I made lots of mistakes in this area during my first taking of The Love Dare.  Although I knew the work I was doing was supposed to be independent of how Kelli responded to the changes in me, I did become hurt and angry when she didn't see what I saw, or respond to me in a positive way.  I told her I was doing my best to avoid those mistakes this time, and although the feelings are still there some days, that I was praying for God to take them away and stay focused on His plan for me.  I think that when the conversation ended, Kelli understood what I was feeling, and I think this time, what I had to say actually made her want to find what I've found. I think both of us felt better after we talked.  So then out came the lotion and I lovingly rubbed my wife's tired, but beautiful feet.  We cuddled a little, and I tucked her in and left for the evening.  Yes, I once again got in my car and left our home at bedtime.  Yes, it sucked.  But I drove to my friend's house with Love in my heart and faith that God will bring us back together in my soul.  I know Kelli and I are going through what we are for a reason.  I know we were running from things we couldn't outrun for too long.  We've been forced to turn and face those things or lose our marriage.  Well, we are facing our demons, and to our pleasant suprise, God is with us.  Little by little, in His time, with our hard work and faith, the demons are being cast out.  My faith has never been stronger, and I have learned more about myself and my relationship with God in the past few months than at any other time in my life.  I'll go to sleep tonight very content, very peaceful and very grateful.  I'm about 10 miles away from Kelli physically, but as I drift off tonight, she'll be right there with me in my heart.  That will never change, and deep down, she knows it too.