This day in The Love Dare is about an area of relationships rarely discussed, but one which can cause problems of misunderstanding and mistrust, even feelings of betrayal.  Today's dare asks me to resolve to guard my wife's secrets -- to assume the role of confidant in her life.  I must commit to keeping private all things my wife might share with me in confidence, unless they put her or me in danger.  On the surface, this task seems pretty simple, but I clearly didn't understand the depth of the commitment in my first love dare journey.  I reread my first journal for this day, and I had written alot about secrets Kelli might share with me about other people, her friends and family perhaps.  It really didn't occur to me that Kelli would have any deepest, darkest stuff about herself that she would need to share with someone.  I don't think I put enough thought into the concepts of this day in the dare.  However, in the time that passed between my first and second efforts at The Love Dare, some things have come to light which made me consider this concept much more carefully. There were actually some things Kelli shared with me in a moment of anger and conflict, the understanding of which proved to be crucial to repairing our marriage.  There were patterns of thinking and behavior which were alarming, and did make me fear for Kelli's welfare.  I'm generally a pretty private person when it comes to trouble in my marriage, but I was pretty overwhelmed and distraut during this time.  I did try to choose very carefully what I shared and with whom I shared it.  I'm grateful for this day in the dare, to kind of reflect on that time in our relationship and make the commitment asked of me on this day.  I certainly have a better idea now of what I'm being asked to do and why. During a phone conversation today, Kelli and I discussed this issue.  I did make this important commitment to her, and sort of suprisingly, Kelli indicated that she did feel safe sharing anything with me.  She sees me today as a very understanding and forgiving husband who would never judge her.  I was flattered and humbled by that, grateful for the progress God has made with me over the past few months.  We also talked about those other secrets -- ones from other people.  We've decided that our policy as husband and wife will be the same as with our own secrets -- to share confidences with each other, but to guard them from others.  The same exception, however, does apply.  If either of us is given information dangerous to the holder of the secret, or someone else, we have a responsibiltity to help.  We both agreed that before we receive a confidence from a friend, we should remind them that we share everything with each other, and if that's not okay, then we shouldn't be trusted with the secret at hand. As for the rest of the day, it was a good one for Kelli and me.  We both had other things going in the evening, and didn't see each other all day.  Although I miss my wife terribly, that was really quite okay today.  We both had friends who needed our presence and support, so the opportunity to do something for someone other than ourselves was a welcome gift.  Kelli and I did, however, talk alot on the phone during the day.  This was pretty cool, because as I wrote in an earlier post, this wasn't always something I did very well or very lovingly in the past.  But today was different.  I genuinely enjoyed taking time out of my day to hear how hers was going, and to share with each other the seemingly trivial details of our workday.  I realized that I just love talking to my wife, if I make the smallest of efforts to remember how special she is to me instead of becoming consumed by the stresses of work and life. When our evenings were done, and we were ready for bed in our separate places, we talked some more, sharing and laughing and remembering why we fell in love.  I went to sleep then, as happy as I can be without her next to me, looking forward to waking up to another day in which I can learn more of God's lessons about being a better husband and loving my wife as He intends.  It was another very good day.