In this day of The Love Dare, I'm asked to put the decisions made over the past two days to good use.  The focus of the dare shifts a little.  I think I missed this the first time, but in Day 21, we don't focus so much on our own actions of love, but rather on accepting Jesus' love of us.  Today is about starting to establish a daily practice of connecting with God every day, and the spiritual necessity of doing so. Now, I've been praying and reading scripture daily since my first love dare.  But if I've had one problem that doesn't seem to go away in the process of The Love Dare, it has been that I haven't been able to be happy or at peace consistently if Kelli was far away from me emotionally, or if we were at odds about our marriage.  While I've been able to execute the daily actions of the dare with gritted teeth and sheer will at times, I've really only been happy if I felt Kelli moving toward me.  It has been better this second time through the dare, but this issue has still been there.  When I read this chapter this morning, it hit me pretty hard.  As I went through my day, I knew Kelli was still struggling with fear and trust issues.  But I had a strange sense of calm about it all today.  I did what I always do, trying to keep my wife's needs in the forefront and being as loving a husband as I can.  It really didn't occur to me how Kelli would respond to me today.  I didn't have as much of a stake in it emotionally as I usually do.  I was doing God's will; the outcome was in His hands, and I would be okay.  I felt His presence all day long, and it was quite comforting. I attended my counseling appointment this evening, and it was actually very good.  The communication was good, and the counselor gave me some affirmation that we are on the right track.  He also supported our search for a church we can call home, and gave me some suggestions of which ones to try.  I did express some concerns that Kelli and I had about the direction he was taking with us.  He was very forthcoming and very responsive to our needs.  I am much more optimistic about the prospects of his helping us get where we need to go with God than I was before this session. After counseling, I did visit Kelli for a few minutes.  She was in bed early, sore after last night's workout.  She was again a little out of sorts.  Some of her mood had to do with us, but that really wasn't my focus as I looked at and listened to my wife.  While I usually try to gage her mood based on how it will affect me, which is a really embarrassing revelation, tonight I just saw my wife suffering, and was concerned.  Her work is difficult right now.  Her job may be in jeopardy.  Her physical health is painful and debilitating, emotionally and psychologically.  She's struggling financially in these tough times.  Her marriage is in trouble and she doesn't trust her husband enough to let him love her, support her and protect her.  It's all piling up on her and she's buckling under the weight of it all.  She knows I want to help, but she's afraid of what will happen if she lets me.  I told her that I pray that she'll have enough faith to take the leap -- to allow God's Love into her life with me, her husband, as his instrument.  When she apologized for not getting there fast enough for me, I tried to tell her that it wasn't about me -- that I was okay just loving her.  My prayer is for her, because I see her hurting and I know I can help.  When we said goodnight, she couldn't let go of the idea that I was mad at her for the mood she was in.  I again tried to reassure her that I was okay.  I'll have to show her this side of me for more than a day, but I think it will help our situation a great deal that my peace doesn't depend on Kelli, that my peace is a constant given by God she can rely on. I read some Matthew tonight -- Chapter 21.  I prayed and thanked God for being with me today.  As usual, I prayed for my wife.  I have faith that we'll both be more than okay.  I have faith that we'll have a long, rich life together, by the Grace of God.