In Day 27 of The Love Dare, I'm asked to eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in my home, think of one specific area where I've been too hard on my spouse, and aplogize for it, promising that I'll seek to understand and love her unconditionally.  Frankly, I believe I've been doing this particular dare nearly every day for some time. Regarding "the home,"  I'm just not the perfectionist in our marriage -- Kelli is.  If anything, I typically try to get her to relax and take time for her instead of driving herself nuts trying to keep 4200 square feet immaculate while we both work and have four kids.  I don't believe I nag her about anything that has to do with our day-to-day family life.  I'm the laid back one, which is saying something, because I've been accused of being anal by some  people.  This is not to say that I haven't had expectations of Kelli which haven't been met, because I have.  There was a time in our marriage, which by the way, sort of brought us to the point of our current separation, in which Kelli began behaving in ways which were abnormal for her and certainly constituted conduct unbecoming a wife and mother.  We fought about these behaviors alot, and very intensely.  Clearly I expected something different.  I also expected a certain level of respect from my wife, that would have precluded such behavior.  I made a large and very costly mistake with these issues.  Rather than recognizing that this wasn't the Kelli I knew, that something must have been terribly wrong inside her, and looking for ways to help, I became combative and demanding instead.  As it turns out, the reasons for her behavior were rooted in the resulting hurt that some of my actions had caused.  There were things she couldn't reconcile with herself and forgive me for, and instead of dealing with those dark, twisted feelings head-on, she acted out in ways which were very destructive for our marriage.  These are all things we've talked through at this point.  They're all out in the daylight and we're doing what we can to repair the damage we've done. This brings me to some current expectations I'm wrestling with.  I'm not living in our family home.  Although we're physically estranged, we have over the past few weeks, spent alot of time together.  It's been some of the best time we've ever spent together.  We've treated each other well, enjoyed each other's company and communicated effectively about some things which are crucial for us to solve together.  Even when we've had conflct, we've handled it much better and more lovingly than we ever have.  We've talked about the future -- about us being married in it, like it's inevitable.  We've both changed for the better in some really important ways, and we both know we love each other.  We're definitely better equipped and more prepared to be a good husband and wife now than we ever have been.  I know Kelli still has some fear of the future, along with some trust and forgiveness issues with me, but bottom line,  I expect us to be married, with wedding rings, living under the same roof as a loving couple, for the rest of our lives.  But today, that's an expectation Kelli can't meet.  Is it frustrating?  Yes.  Is it torturous in certain moments?  Absolutely.  Am I ready to throw in the towel and go find a wife not so emotionally complex, who's easy to please and free of resentment for me?  Absolutely not. If there's one thing The Love Dare has given me, although it's taken me two times through to get this, it is that regardless of how Kelli responds to my love, and no matter how long it takes her to take the leap of faith required for her to give herself comletely to our marriage once again, I must continue to love and honor her.  Along with that, and maybe harder to grasp, is the knowledge and feeling in my heart that no matter how far from me Kelli seems, no matter what I'm getting back from her, I am loved by God and He will give me exactly what I need to live a peaceful and joyous life.  At this point, I'll admit, it's not easy to be peaceful and joyous while I'm not living in my home with my wife, but if I stay focused on God's love and guidance instead of how rough my life is, I can do it. As a result, over the past week or so, I've been able to reassure Kelli on a couple of occasions that I'll be here, no matter what, for as long as it takes.  She knows what I want and expect to have happen, because I've shared with her that I believe God's plan for me includes my being a faithful, loving husband to my wife.  I don't think that's up for discussion.  I believe in my promise to God regarding my marriage, and I will not forsake it.  I just hope she also knows that my expectation of our reconciliation does not include a time limit or ultimatum.  I've told her that, but I'm not sure she believes it.  I'll just have to keep showing her, and being grateful for the painful but necessary lessons that come with life as it is today.  God is good, and I am tired.