Today was my day to learn to appreciate and live in the things I love about my wife, Kelli, and to get out and be rid of the things about her that irritate and bother me.  This is, of course, the second time I've made these lists, and I must say they changed a little.  My list of positives, which was still by far the easier to write, was much more deeply felt as it rolled off my keyboard than it was the first time.  I actually got lost in the awesome power of the love I have for my wife.  It gave me chills when I read back to myself what I had written about the way her beauty and presence in my life affects me.  It's never been more clear to me that Kelli is the woman I was meant to spend my life with.  My love for her is amazing and God-given.  I must say, however, that I feel more than a little guilty that I've done so much damage before now, and have waited so long to let God have His rightful place in our marriage.  We've wasted so much time and hurt each other so much.  The list of negatives was really different this time.  I've learned alot about Kelli in the two months since my first taking of The Love Dare, especially about how my hurtful and cruel behavior in our marriage caused her to act like a different person, driven by resentment and revenge.  As I wrote out the list of negatives, I actually felt more responsibility for bringing about these behaviors than I did anger at Kelli for doing those things.  Yes, some of her actions were very hurtful to me and our marriage, but none of them happened without me.  From petty arguments to the really big stuff, I could see clearly my part in all of it and easily forgive Kelli.  I can't wait for tomorrow's list-burning.  It simply can't come too soon for me.  With God's help, the items on that list need never be a problem in our marriage again, either by Kelli's behavior or my perception of her. This time, I didn't pick just one attribute to thank my spouse for.  I actually emailed her the entire list of positives.  Her response was humbling and overwhelming.  She told me that she doesn't think she knows any man who loves his wife the way I do.  I believe she might be right.  I love her more today than I could ever have imagined before, and I used to think, in the beginning, that I loved her more than was humanly possible.  I certainly do now, because this love does not come from me -- I just get the privilege of carrying it out. Tonight was our first pastoral counseling appointment.  It was pretty much background of how we got to the brink of divorce.  we just gave the counselor a timeline account of what has happened, as we see it, and where we are today.  Although it all sounded pretty horrible packed into an hour-long summary, none of it caused hurt feelings or anger.  We had already talked about all of it and resolved most of it.  I think we're in a pretty good place for counseling because all the shoes have dropped and the hurting each other should be over.  It's all about solutions now, and doing what's necessary to avoid ever visiting this stuff again.  We're there to learn to let go of guilt, shame and resentment.  We're there to make sure our forgiveness is complete.  We're there as willing students, for the purpose of learning how to be married in a way that enriches both our souls.  The hour flew by, and we scheduled our next two individual appointments.  I think we're both very ready and willing for the lessons we're about to learn.